Horror Movies Will Should Never Be the Same

Drew Goddard's The Cabin in the Woods opened on Friday, and people are already saying it changes the face of horror films as we know them. It has been called a “deconstruction of the genre”, reminiscent of Wes Craven's Scream (1996), which I saw on opening day all those years ago. Even back then, as a teenaged horror fan, I was in on the joke. Scream was about stereotypical horror movie characters and clichés; it picked fun at the way sex was a prelude to death in the genre, and how the killers always come back after we think they're dead. Scream didn't reinvent the wheel, but it delivered a seismic jolt within the industry and made horror movies relevant at the box office following a long hiatus.

It's important to understand that when people claim The Cabin in the Woods is a new chapter in horror, they aren't saying it reinvents the wheel either. They are saying it picks fun at every little predictable flaw in conventional horror, thus making it harder for studios to continue churning out the same old formula to make a quick buck. One can only hope Goddard's film will promote evolution in a genre that has once again grown stale.

Since much of the film is based on the element of surprise, rewarding its audience with fun twists and turns, The Cabin in the Woods is very difficult to write about. How much should be revealed? That's a subjective question, if ever there was one. I had seen the trailer prior to viewing the film, which I admit makes it look pretty average, but it also reveals a few things I believed were “spoilers”. Until I saw the movie, that is. The trailer actually gives away very little of what makes the film so wild, crazy, and unpredictable. No one will accurately guess what happens in the last twenty minutes of this movie. No one.

Going into it, viewers who have seen the trailer will think the big surprise is that there are people in an underground lab controlling the various horrors at the cabin. I thought it would end up being like a slasher version of The Truman Show (1998). Maybe a sort of reality show put on for wealthy sickos around the world, similar to Hostel (2005). Wrong and wrong. Besides, that's not “the big reveal” because guess where the picture opens? In an underground lab. The very first thing we see are these two tech guys, humorously played by the great Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford, chatting over coffee. Just another day at the office.

We are then introduced to some terribly stereotypical young characters (relax, it's part of the joke). There's the jock (Chris Hemsworth), the smart guy (Jesse Williams), the slutty airhead (Anna Hutchison), the stoner (Fran Kranz), and the virgin (Kristen Connolly). They take off for the weekend in a big camper; their final destination being an isolated cabin that supposedly belongs to the airhead's cousin. They stop at a gas station, which will instantly remind viewers of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). They pass through a long mountain tunnel and arrive at a cabin that looks exactly like the one in The Evil Dead (1981). They swim in a lake that looks just like the one in Friday the 13th (1980). Even Japanese horror gets hilariously lampooned here, so those who have seen Ring (1998), Ju-on (2000), Dark Water (2002), The Curse (2005), etc. will be in good shape. The more you know your horror movies, the more you're going to enjoy The Cabin in the Woods.

Eventually, the teens drink and play Truth or Dare just before the cellar door flies open for no apparent reason (as it did in The Evil Dead) and the jock reveals the limits of his intelligence by saying, “Must have been the wind.” They explore the dark cellar and discover all kinds of strange objects that act as triggers for which scenario will play out. Will they be massacred by zombies? Vampires? Werewolves? Witches? An Angry Molesting Tree (another Evil Dead reference)? Deadites (yet another Evil Dead reference)? All of these options, and many more, are seen on a dry erase board in the underground lab where various employees are competitively betting on how these poor teens will die.

The virgin finds an old diary and reads an incantation in Latin, despite the stoner's warning: “I'm drawing a f***ing line in the sand, here. Don't read the mysterious Latin!” The incantation seals the deal (as it did in, you guessed it, The Evil Dead). These teens will die at the hands of the “Zombie Redneck Torture Family”, which Jenkins comically explains is an entirely different kind of threat than regular zombies.

Aside from the stoner, the teens seem oblivious to all the weird stuff going on, they act no differently than characters in any number of silly horror films. Well, it turns out the technicians behind the scenes have laced their hair styling products with drugs and happen to be piping in certain chemicals to alter their behavior. The slut gets extra slutty, and the jock becomes an even dumber alpha male. At one point, mist machines in the forest send pheromones into the atmosphere so we get the obligatory teen horror sex scene. Luckily for the stoner, his love of marijuana reduces the effect of the other drugs, allowing him to discover that things are not quite what they seem.

Anyway, the dead things rise up from the earth and wreak all kinds of havoc. The teens fight back and try to escape, but much like Truman Burbank, they come upon barriers they can't even see. They are rats in a maze, and this maze features redneck zombies.

Tempting as it may be, I can not discuss the film in detail any further without spoiling it. Know this: there are many more laughs to be had, as well as numerous shocks, scares, and surprises. The last twenty minutes are so over-the-top insane that they nearly succumb to overkill. Drew Goddard and co-writer/producer, Joss Whedon (director of the upcoming superhero film, The Avengers), toe a very thin line, but ultimately I was so flabbergasted by what had just occurred, I could only smile and shake my head as I walked out of the theater. These guys showed some real balls, for lack of a better word, in making this movie. They exhibit a real affection for horror tropes, while spitting in the face of every last one of them at the same time.

Now, if I were rating this picture on a numerical scale, I would probably go with an 8 out of 10. It simply does not hold up under close scrutiny, and frankly it makes no logical sense. Still, it's so well made, so incredibly amusing, such a blast to watch, and features such a “throw all caution to the wind” last reel that I still believe it worthy of praise. It's an absolute must-see for horror fans, and should be fun for just about anyone who gets the joke and doesn't take it too seriously. When the ending comes, think of it as another way of saying, "Let's get rid of the old formula and give new, original work a chance!"

SPOILER ALERT!!! DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM:

I would like to briefly explain why I said the film makes no logical sense. I could cite many examples, and here are several. How the heck does this massive cult, with so many members and paid employees, keep their actions a secret from the world at large? How did they successfully capture all these monsters and keep them imprisoned when one little press of a button by the virgin unleashed all hell? If the history of these sacrifices goes back thousands of years, what system was in place for these rituals during less technologically advanced times? If the technicians could see all the teenagers and were monitoring their hearts, how did they fail to notice that the stoner never flatlined? Etc. Keep in mind, I really enjoyed the movie and these issues did not hinder my enjoyment.

END OF SPOILERS